Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
