your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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