why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
