Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize