i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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