oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
