I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
