shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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