I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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