stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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