Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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