if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
