so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
