I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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