i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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