he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
