wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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