Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Umm I'm too high to move.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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