you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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