my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
