The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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