I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
