dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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