Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
