is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
