Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
