she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She told me I should be a condom model.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
