when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
