Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
