There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
