i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
