Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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