How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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