I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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