Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
