I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think my moral compass just broke
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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