Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize