I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
