I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
