wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
