I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
