You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
