my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
