is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
