No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
