i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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