hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
