Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
