Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize