so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
