I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
