dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize