I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
