i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize