If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
