I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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