I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
