Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
