So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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