how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
