My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
