part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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