I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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