I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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