So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize