If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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