one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
