my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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