oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
