I heard we made out
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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