so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
