And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
