im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
