Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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