sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
