yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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