All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
