My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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