I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
