Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
