fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
