I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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